Great minds think alike...and clash

We are in the middle of a clashing cycle--Allen and I. My firstborn and I are so much alike that the house gets way too small for the both of us. It happens ever three to four months or so and I try to be the adult and stop the cycle, but so far have been unsuccessful. Anyone know what I mean? The boy cannot stop "ruling the roost". He tells his brother what to do, he tells me what to do, he argues with everyone about everything! Then he yells and tells me to stop arguing with him--but he started it! (I know that what I just said sounds extremely juvenile, but that is what I'm thinking.)

So here's the deal. I know that often we treat those closest to us far worse than anyone else. I hate that. I want to change that, but I fail each and every day. I just wish I could glimpse into the future and see what Allen will be like at 25 years old. I want to speak with this adult Allen and see what he remembers of me. I see a picture of his memory of me as a big fire-breathing dragon of a mother that only yells and screams and barks out orders. "Hurry Up", "What do you say?", Hello! Is anyone listening to me!" etc. etc. etc! How horrible.

He brings me to the brink of throwing in the towel. I feel as if there is no way I can raise a sane adult with morals and values if the very person that brought him into this world is the very person that cannot interact rationally with him.

I know this is all extremely normal--at least that is what I hear from close friends, but it shouldn't be. Should it?